The Definitive Book Of Goblin (Document)

Written - 1046TE

Writer: Jord Von Huttford

Notes: Banned document in Ravenwing

Chapter One - Introduction

Ahoy! My name is Jord Von Huttford. My objective today is to teach you, the delightful reader, about  Zik Gublar, or, The proud Goblin race.

But first, a little bit about me.

You may ask, what man in his right mind dedicates his life to the study of Goblins? Well, my friend, the man who takes the time to wonder why the grass grows green is the man who understands how to grow a lawn.

I spent my childhood in the delightful city of Midbrent1. I was the son of a noble lore bard, who was the personal court musician for the good Stuart Bubar Thornsterian. My first encounter with the Goblin-kind was in the outskirts of Midbrent, in the summer of 994TE. While playing a particularly intense game of “Sling”2. On a midfield sling, my try drifted left, into the bushes, resulting in a fleshy thud, and a cry from a creature me and my friends found to be a Goblin.

Now, while I advocate for the acceptance of the Goblins as a whole, I still advise any children who stumble upon a surprise goblin to immediately make themselves scarce. While the Goblin race has undertaken an unfortunate stigma, encountering one in such a context should warrant immediate retreat, just as if you found an adult hiding in the bushes, watching your game of Sling.

However, this Goblin, named “Junkjirk”, was eagerly invited into our game, as we were short a deep-back. “Junky”, as we came to know him, was actually a talented tackler, and a thrilling swing scorer. I developed a deep friendship with Junky, until his death. In this time, i learned a great deal about the Goblins, their plight, and the unfortunate silent war that has been waged against them for over seven hundred years.

1- A quite large city that sits on the Butterberry Lake. Often hailed as the most beautiful city in all of Ravenwing

2- A game common among young nobility. Played by “Slinging” a small ball into a net. The game emphasizes passing and tackling.

Chapter Two - What is a Goblin?

First, let's establish the obvious. What is a goblin?

It has been used in many forms, usually as an insult. The phrase refers to something small, slimy, grotesque, ugly, etc.

The Goblins are a proud race of Arken. Just like Orcs, Elves, Dwarves, and yes, even Humans.

Goblins are a offshoot of the Orc race, and have a few different varieties. The most common type of Goblins are the “Easahr” or the “Eastern Landers”.

Your typical Easahr will stand at approximately three and a half to four and a half feet, and will often be quite stocky, with deep green, grey, brown, and sometimes even coal black skin.

Their eyes will often be green, gold, blue, or purple, and their iris will take up most of their eye.

Their head, often shaved bald, does have the capacity to grow thick, coarse hair that often weaves itself into a “Shelker”, or a Warrior’s braid.

Their body types may range from wider and stockier, to thinner and more limber, but they almost always come equipped with strong, nimble hands with long precise fingers.

Males may sometimes grow tufts of hair on their faces, backs, chests, elbows, knees, and feet.

Their feet are often thick as leather, and their nails protrude like small claws, and often give them assistance in scaling vertical surfaces.

Their faces are often short and wide, carrying an ovular quality. Their noses are short and stubby, and their mouths, almost always pulled into a sly grin, are lined with rows of sharp, razor like teeth.

In casual settings, Goblins behave quite similarly to the civilized Orc. They wear bright, clashing colors, that accentuate their bizarre fashion sense. They are drawn to fashion that draws attention to them and reads “absolutely Goblin.”

While they are notoriously easy to spot in casual situations, when a Goblin is in the wild, it’s a completely different story. In darkness, their skin can fade into an unsaturated drab of their former shade. Their eyes become precise, scanning every nook and cranny.

The Goblins are creatures built for the night. They are built to hunt, as they are hunted. These features have not always been a part of them, but as I shall explain later on, this is what they had to do to survive. They had to adapt.

Chapter Three - Goblin History

Not much is known about the origin of the Goblins on Arken.

With most races, we can rely on written and oral history to determine their origins, but with Goblins, they tend to be unbelievably biased and inconsistent with their telling of events. The general consensus of their history tells of an ancient Goblin named “Skipjab”.

This Skipjab is a subject I just simply cannot pin down. He is by far one of the most widely known Goblin legends, and as such, every single Easahr has a drastically different interpretation of the myth. Many tellings refer to him as not only the first Goblin to ever live, but as the first creature to live at all. And while the notion of all races descending from Goblins is an amusing one, i believe it may not exactly be the case.

There have been debates on whether or not Skipjab was real, or if he was just one Goblin. It is true that in ancient Dwarven, the phrase “Zkibjaab” is a term for “wretched beast”, and some have theorized that skipjab wasn't one goblin, but in fact, a group that was referred to as the Zkibjaab, or colloquially The Skipjab.

While I find merit to this claim, I personally believe that Skipjab was one goblin, and that he did, in some capacity at least, exist. And in this text, i shall refer to him as if he were so.

Here's what I know. Skipjab is the oldest recorded named Goblin in not only their own myth, but any others. It appears that whatever Skipjab’s role was in the ancient world, it was indeed a notable one.

However, there is mention of Goblins BEFORE Skipjab!

This took years to uncover. In an ancient Eichstein manuscript that i personally recovered from ruins north of Midbrent, there is mention of something called “Akischidden”. This race of people are described as “small, ugly, childlike creatures, who travel in boats, and constantly steal.

Sounds familiar.

But have Goblins ever been known to travel in boats? Not particularly. However, maybe they once did.

“Easahr”. “Eastern Landers”.

While I may be speculating, I do believe this could be referring to a race of aquatic nomads, who landed on the Eastern shores of Ravenwing thousands of years ago.

“Akischidden”. This roughly translates to “Water Children” or “Small ones of the water”.

I shall concede, however, that if these were Goblins, they were not the Goblins we know today. The Goblin race has shown a rate of evolution that surpasses almost any other race i’ve ever seen. And these hypothesized Goblins would definitely not have been the type that the Easahr tell tale of with Skipjab the Brave.

Anyways, enough hypotheticals, back to what i know. Skipjab had a son named Makkij. This Makkij went down in history as the greatest hero in Goblin folklore.

While I know for a fact that Skipjab did indeed have a son named Makkij, who did indeed go on to perform some notable feats; defeating orcs, stealing dragon’s gold, bedding a princess while under the effects of a disguise potion…

But, as with Skipjab, much of this history is scrambled, exaggerated, or simply made up. Many Goblins like to attribute any good thing that becomes to them as a blessing of Makkij; a result of his endless questing.

Unfortunately, Makkij was no great Goblin hero. Makkij was simply a feisty goblin who liked to get into trouble. He had no cause, he championed no name, he simply wanted gold, attention, and fame. There are many other notable Goblins who could better hold the mantle of “Goblin Hero”, such as Sliebnok, Scrints, Dogg, Wamvur, or Eggbest…

I’m getting sidetracked.

My point is, Goblins love their heroes.

Goblins also love their tradition, and boy let me tell you, we will get to that.

But what I'd like to focus on now, is the Goblin’s plight. What has been done to them. What has been taken from them. A systematic oppression of their entire species, under the thumb of the so-called “Good” King Robin.

Chapter Four - The Goblin’s Plight

While the early history of the goblins is unfortunately obscured from us, we do know for sure that the Easahr once settled much of Northern Ravenwing. This land had a few names, “Guxlan”, “Gretgublan”, but it was mostly known to the Goblins as “Easahros”.

Easahros was a proud, and prosperous land. Many texts will refer to it as a mob of nomadic Goblins who were barbaric, ruthless, and evil.

Easahros was the home to a kind race. While, yes, many were nomadic, there were notable cities in Easahros, such as the mighty cities of Gobilon, Esperos, Forkpass, and Mighty Mountain.

These folk were not barbaric, and far from evil.

The tale of Asmode is a story of a knight who bravely ventured into the dark land of Guxlan, and crusaded through the mobs of barbaric Goblins. This noble and gallant hero was the catalyst of a new era of humanity. He bravely fought the evil Goblin scourge, and singlehandedly tackled the capital of Gobilon.

Asmode was the catalyst of the near genicide of a peaceful race. Be raped and pillaged all throughout Easahros. He was guilty of countless war crimes that he committed while on what was a supposed diplomatic mission.

Asmode was a knight by default. He was a short, fat stubby little shit stain on society.

After the Brightburns, (the originators of Ravenwing), brutally wiped out the Eichstein, they set their eyes north, on the Goblins. Asmode was among the first generation born in the newly aquired “Ravenscroft” (later to be named Ravenwing), and was the son of a mighty warrior named Gesis, who was also a genocidal maniac.

The difference between Gesis and Asmode, however, is that where Gesis earned his knighthood through hard work and battlefield achievements, Asmode was an ungrateful snob who was born into knighthood, and was often assigned to do busy work, and after an incident in which he stirred up unrest in the capital, he was sent to negotiate with the goblins, with hope of his death.

Let me ask you this simple question. How did one stubby little knight manage to do so much damage to Easahr?

He was welcomed as a guest.

The goblins were thrilled to encounter a new race. They threw him a feast, they told him stories, and they treated him as a friend.

Asmode noticed they had no weapons.

Why would they? They lived peacefully alongside the Eichsteins for centuries. They had farming tools and some simple hunting weapons. but warriors they were not.

On November 28, 306TE, Asmode walked into the city of Gobilon, drew his sword, and butchered every single Goblin in the city. He then rampaged through the land, called for reinforcements, and the Goblins were driven from their homeland.

The Easahr were nearly wiped out. They would have been, if not for a Goblin named Eggbest.

Eggbest was a strange goblin. He lived as an outsider. According to many accounts, he grew up as an orphan, and in his adulthood he lived in the wilderness.

Eggbest had also spent a great deal of time quietly investigating the Ravenian society. He was the one Easahr who knew just how terrible they could be.

So when Eggbest arrived in Gobilon the day after the massacre, he immediately recognized the carnage. He saw what he had feared so greatly. What he had tried to warn other Goblins of.

Eggbest acted quickly. He began evacuating entire cities and settlements, sometimes by force. By the time Asmode found Eggbest, he was already crossing the Butterberry river, into Vesselstrond.

Asmode began firing arrows across the river, and ordered his men to cross, but Eggbest sent a Goblin named Greengrub up the river to where a massive wooden dam had been constructed. Greengrub jumped into the dam and tore it apart. Asmode’s forces were quickly swept down the river as the Easahr escaped into the mountains of Vesselstrond.

The Raveniens quickly started to settle the ruins of Easahros, while Eggbest led the Easahr into the land that is now known as Escalon. Here, in this dangerous land, the Easahr struggled to survive, and were forced to quickly adapt into the creatures we know today.

Goblins are unbelievably adaptable. while most races evolve over a long period of time from generation to generation, goblins can evolve themselves over the course of about ten years.

The Easahr were forced to become vicious, sneaky, and clever. In order to survive they often had to steal from nearby settlements, and defend themselves from bounty hunters.

Unfortunately, this gave credence to the accusations of being a scourge, previously laid upon them by the Raveniens.

They lived depressing lives. Constantly hunted, starved and oppressed, they had to do what they could to escape their miserable lives.

Unfortunately, many goblins turned to either taking their own lives, or volunteering to be slaves only to survive. The others turned to music, art, and storytelling. In this depressing existence, all they could find solace in was to accept their perceived role in the world, and be proud of their notoriety.

Chapter Five - The Goblin Code

The goblins soon declared Eggbest their king, and established the City of Volkahn. Eggbest had to fight off many threats, a notable one being Orcs who would come and recruit Goblins from under his nose. this became such a problem, in fact, that when Eggbest heard of an Orc making his way to Volkahn, he waited at the gate until he arrived, and challenged him to a duel.

Now, I should explain. The Easahr are extremely traditional. Anything that becomes adapted into their general code becomes absolute law.

This code is slightly fluid, and depends on when and where you are, but I will attempt to give you a quick summary of some of the more common “rules” all Goblins obey.

We can start with the Goblin Boss coin. The origins of this are unclear, but the basics are, for a Goblin to be a “boss” (simply able to command a small number of goblins), he must possess something that has been designated as a “boss coin”. What can be a boss coin is entirely dependant on how convincing the supposed boss is, and if he successfully convinces others that his coin is legitimate, he is the uncontested boss. While under the command of the boss, you must obey all commands given to you by the boss, except “you cant steal my boss coin”, as all goblins are expected to try to take what they want. They can however, put it in a box and say “don't open that box”, “don't touch that box”, or “you can't walk within 15 feet of that box”, but a clever Goblin may think up the idea of taking the box and having someone else open it, lassoing the box and dragging it away and throwing rocks at it until it breaks open.

The boss coin does command respect from your everyday goblin, there is a sort of chain of command.

a big Goblin can command smaller goblins. but a goblin with a boss coin can command any goblin without a coin or a title. a Goblin Chief can command a normal Goblin boss to fork over his coin, and can command coinless goblins.

An Orc, however, will always have command over a coinless warchief. Said Orc could simply walk into the camp and demand authority. But if a Goblin Chief does have a coin, it must be decided by a duel. In this scenario, the goblin usually resigns immediately following the challenge, as very few Goblins have ever been able to best an Orc in combat. A Goblin King is of course, the highest rank a Goblin can achieve, except in the case of Dogg The Fallen, who is the only known Goblin to be known as a Goblin Lord, or simply The Mightiest Goblin.

Goblin Kings can also delegate lower positions of power, such as when King Kalamity appointed Kahskahn as his Master of Treasure, essentially a right hand man of sorts.

In Eggbest’s situation, as a Goblin King, his Goblins should not have been leaving to work with Orcs, and Eggbest was forced to challenge the Orc to a duel.

With dwindling numbers, and disloyal Goblins that abandoned Volkahn at first chance, Eggbest was forced to wait until he arrived.

Upon the Orc’s arrival, Eggbest called out to him and drew his sword, “Easaxing” or “The Goblin Blade”.

As i previously stated, very few Goblins have ever been able to best an Orc in a one on one duel. While Goblins are very cunning and dangerous in the shadows, they are simply overpowered by someone as big as an Orc.

The list of Goblins who have defeated Orcs is slightly inconsistent, and also quite short. Any sensible Goblin boss will have claimed to have done it, but unless it was seen by other Goblins, it's often not passed on without proper evidence.

Makkij of course was known to have defeated two different Orcs in combat. Dogg The Fallen single handedly defeated an Orc Warchief, an unbelievable achievement. Sliebnok technically defeated three of them, but it was through means of trickery, not plain combat. There was a Goblin Warrior named Grapjaw who allegedly bested Orcs relatively regularly.

And of course, Eggbest.

On February 22nd, 317TE, in front of the gates of Volkahn, witnessed by more than two hundred fifty Goblins, Eggbest slayed Huzgah the Orc, and cemented his Kingship over Volkahn.

This really set in place the undying loyalty of Goblins to their King, and in turn, the entire chain of command within the Goblin ranks.

Anyways, back to the Goblin Code.

As I previously mentioned, Goblins are obligated to attempt to steal. Thieving is what kept the race alive, and a denial of the gift of thievery is considered a besmirchment of their ancestors.

This includes stealing from other Goblins. In your typical Goblin settlement, countless thefts occur every day. They don't bother getting upset, as it is expected. It's Not unusual to see a fancy gem pass through every Goblin's possession.

Goblins are also expected to be extremely loyal to one another, as they are well aware that their survival is dependent on sticking together.

Goblins are also very wary of outsiders, and will not beckon them in. This is due to Asmode’s betrayal. In order to enter a Goblin establishment, you must first declare “Goblin Peace”. this is simply you giving your word that you mean no harm. You must still also prove yourself to the Goblins, as they will stay very on guard at all times. And if you think you might be able to go inside on terms of Goblin Peace, only to attack them, i’d say you gravely underestimate a pack of Goblins.

The Goblin bind is particularly interesting, in that two Goblins who are close friends will sometimes initiate a Goblin Bind. This is a process that establishes you as not only brothers, but basically of the same spirit. it's similar to marriage in a way, but lacks any romantic connotation.

In my days i spent in Volkahn, i eventually earned the title of “Fexkahn”, or “Goblin Friend”. This is when a non Goblin proves to be a true ally to Goblin kind, and is given a token that will forever prove your friendship. This token, called a “friend coin”, is engraved with your name, and your description.

The last notable bit of code i’ll impart is a Goblin Chief’s Death Song. You see, any Goblin that holds the rank of chief or higher must write a song to sing in the event of their death. Music is very important to Goblins, and they sing every night almost, but once you write a death song, you may not partake in any singing. Those who write death songs may not sing anything at all until it is time for their death song. Once the death song is sung, they must accept their death, and no Goblin is allowed to try to save them under any circumstance. This death song also may not be read by any other Goblin at all. Even if they are a Goblin King.

There are more rules depending on where you are, of course, but these are the primary rules all Goblins abide by. These rules are extremely important, and if they are disobeyed, an immediate execution is required.

I shall also mention the concept of “Goblin Law”.

As The Easahr slowly trickled back into Northern Ravenwing, which was now surely not their home they used to know, some Goblins attempted to stake a claim to a small section of land that was largely uninhabited. They claimed that it was their homeland, and they had every right to live there.

At first, King Duhmaskan banned Goblins from even stepping on Ravenwing soil, but this was not met well by the aristocrats, largely due to the well known politician, Lord Eag Von Fruscious, who constantly stood in the way of those who would warmonger, and walk the path of greed, often standing up to the King directly, as in this case, though this would eventually lead to his untimely death at the hands of King Frosberg.

Anyways, King Duhmaskan had a problem. These Goblins had a legitimate stake on the northern lands, and some politicians called for the restoration of their birthright, but this would cost the Kingdom an unbelievable amount of capital. The longer this issue hung in balance, the longer the public opinion started to waver out of the King’s favor.

The King needed an immediate solution, so he and his most trusted advisors deliberated for three days, and drew up a royal decree known as “Goblin Law”.

You see, the King realised he needed to address a few key points. One, the Goblins wanted to live in this land. Two, Ravenwing could not give up this land for obvious reasons. Three, Ravenwing could not eject the Goblins from Ravenwing, as this issue had festered to the point of rioting in the streets.

Goblin Law handled all of this.

Goblin Law allowed the Goblins a semi “Lordship” over Goblin land. This did not mean they owned the land legally, but that they in technicality only, were the owners.

This did not reach far into the laws, such as in one case where a company built a brewery on Goblin land, and the Goblins could not stop it in any way.

Where it does reach into the laws, however, is that when Goblins are in territory that was once Easahros, they have a small immunity to prosecution.

A Goblin in Easahros will be allowed free will to commit petty thievery, wagon holdups, and other small crimes even sometimes including minor assaults.

Now, you may ask, why would they ever decree this?

The people had begun to support the Goblins much more than the King anticipated, and he realised the need to diffuse this support. The hope was, by allowing these Goblins to freely commit these crimes, with the justification being it was simply “Goblin Nature”, the Goblins would be seen as a nuisance, and the “Goblin Nature” aspect enforced the belief that Goblins were untrustworthy.

Chapter Six - Afterword

The Goblins are an amazing race of people. And while i could go into their history in great detail, this is not the purpose of this document. I merely hope i was able to provide a sort of baseline for you to use in order to understand the basics of Goblin society. And yes, i am quite aware that my harsh depiction of the Ravenwing government will likely be forfeiting my citizenship there. I am also aware that this document will not be circulated in public libraries there.

I know this document may have seemed slightly scatterbrained, and i apologize for that. Perhaps years with Goblins have made my attention span dwindle slightly.

I hope dearly that one day the Goblins truly reclaim their land. They deserve it, and they have earned it.

Thank you for reading.